Statue of Limitations
by binkeybella
Summary: Just a silly piece of fluff, no real plot, but an obligatory Tony whump. Poor guy. And he thinks GIBBS abuses him.


"Boss? Is that you?"

"Who the hell do ya think it would be, Tony?"

"Don't – not sure – lots of – stuff in my eyes."

"That would be blood, DiNozzo."

"Did I – pass out?"

"If swaying in semi-circles and then dropping down on your side in a heap with your eyes closed encompasses passing out, then yeah, ya did."

"How long?"

"Couple minutes. Ducky's on his way over with Kate."

"Don't tell Kate, please, I'll – I'll do the coffee runs for two months, I'll wash and wax your Challenger every week for the rest of the year."

"Shut up, DiNozzo, I'm trying to get the bleeding stopped."

"Bad?"

"Bad enough. Gonna need a couple sets of stitches."

"Shhhit."

"Gonna have fun putting this in my report, kid. Hold still, I'm trying to keep both holes covered."

"Who the hell puts a statue out in the middle of their back yard?"

"People with money and a sense of humor, DiNozzo; don't think they were planning on having anyone out here running around in the near dark chasing after a suspect."

"Hurts like hell. I think I put an eye out."

"Nearly did. Gonna have a helluva shiner by morning."

"This is covered under my company insurance, isn't it? I mean, it happened on the job, like getting rolled by a car or a two – by - four across the gut or -"

"Anthony..."

"Right. Shutting up, Boss."

"My _word, _Anthony, those are the most – spectacular – contusions I have seen in a very long time! Are you sure you're up to going back to the Navy Yard?"

C'mon, Ducky, just a black eye and some stitches. You should see the _other _guy!"

"I _ did _see the other guy, and not one single mark on him save for some odd chips and bird droppings!

David, I think it was, in all his naked glory!"

"Be glad it wasn't a garden gnome, DiNozzo, I wouldn't have been able to stop laughing long enough to finish my report if it had been."

"Nobody's freaky enough to put a seven foot garden gnome in their back yard, Boss. Well, no, I take that back, Abby would, if she had a back yard and could find one that big. That last guy she was dating, what's 'is name, Rickie? Richie? He could've fit the bill for it...freaking dude had no neck, just  
muscles. Including his head."

" Hey! Marine you're talking about there, DiNozzo! But yeah, he was...different."

"Can I go back to work, now, Boss?"

"Got the day off. Fornell took over the case, wanted jurisdiction and I owed him one. Not like the guy murdered anybody, I just wanted to know what he saw. Fornell says he's wanted for perjury on one of their cases, let him deal with 'im."

"Huh. Okay. Well, then I should go home."

"Nah. Yer stayin' here. Ducky says you shouldn't be on your own yet, and how the hell are ya gonna drive anywhere with one eye swollen shut?"

"But...there's no t.v here, Boss. And I can't _read _ with my eye like this, either. I tried reading the expiration date on your cereal box. I think it said August eleventh, nineteen ninety eight."

"Well then, get yer shoes on and let's go get some decent groceries."

"Cool. Bet I get all kinds of sympathy from Cindy at the bakery counter. Last time I had a boo-boo, she gave me a free mini German Chocolate Cake."

"Not if I tell her you ran face-first into a concrete statue in some stranger's back yard. Even Kate thought it was hysterical."

"Bo-o-osss, you weren't supposed to tell her!"

"Didn't plan on it, but I couldn't stop smiling the whole time I was writing my report, and ya know that's just not right. Had to let her read it before I signed off on it. She wanted to know exactly where on the statue you did your lip-lock. She won't think it's so funny when she sees the damage it did, I'll guarantee you that. And Tony."

"Yeah, Boss."

"I don't think it's funny you got hurt, either. But hell, the way it happened..."

"I know, Boss. Leave it to me to take on my namesake and think I had super powers to go through it."

"Your namesake, DiNozzo?"

"Yeah, middle name, David. After Michaelangelo's David. The one I just met up with. My father went through a classical art phase trying to impress my mother. He did really like Mickey's art, though."

"Mickey? That's what you call Michaelangelo?"

"Yeah, well. Easier to pronounce when you're a kid trying to impress your father. You know, maybe you can get me one of those head lamp thingies, like the miners wear, I bet you've got one or two of them in your basement! Or wait! I bet your _dad _has one!"

"In the car, DiNozzo. I can see those stitches in your lip haven't put a dent in your yabba yabba."

"Mmm, well, more like the pain pill Ducky made me take has me flyin' a little and I don't really feel it throbbing. Can we stop for breakfast, Boss, it's almost ten o'clock already."

"Yeah, sure, why not? Maybe we'll get yours free cause the waitress will feel sorry for ya. But then again, kids eat free at that pancake house, don't they, DiNozzo?"


End file.
